“By His power to rule all things; He will
change our simple bodies
and make them
like His own glorious body.”
Philippians 3:21

It’s been said that all parents are deficient from time to time during the raising of their children. 

No parent is perfect.  They cannot always be emotionally available.  Sometimes they are going to yell at their children.  And many will spank their children.

Parents are only human.

But most children can deal with the emotional volatility of parents as long as they have plenty of love, attention and compassion to counter it.  Whatever the volatility might be: occasional outbursts of anger, constant put-downs, domineering, controlling, or unpredictable parents who are hard to please.  In the end, love conquers all.

Nonetheless, regardless of how much love, attention and compassion the child receives, they all suffer the same internal damage — a blow to their self-esteem.  In one way or another, even after the children are grown, they most often have feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy.

This inadequacy (which is also known as insecurity, lack of confidence, or negative self-image) can cause tremendous problems when marketing yourself – your services.  It can limit the ability of any service provider to bond with prospects and establish feelings of trust, regardless of how talented he or she may be.

                                                          * * * * * * * * *

Let me tell you a little about the relationship I had with my father.  How I found the serenity to stop cursing the darkness of our relationship, the wisdom to light a candle, and the ointment to heal the scars from the pain of my life with him.

My dad was an alcoholic.

Growing up, I never felt valued and important to him.  I never felt loved.

See, in my house we never had a “Father Knows Best” simplicity and innocence that so many other kids seemed to have.  We couldn’t set our clock by father George coming home every night, putting his hat on the rack and saying, “Honey, I’m here,” as wife Margaret gives him a kiss, hands him a martini and joins him in beaming with pride over children Betty, “Kitten,” and Bud.

My earliest memory is of my father staying out late most nights – bowling, drinking, playing poker, and Lord knows what else – until wee hours the next morning.  I can still feel that loneliness, always wondering if he was going to show up.  When he did, he was sloppy drunk.  Half the time he couldn’t make it up the stairs to his bedroom.  Mama would have to drag him to bed.

With my daddy hardly ever around, I got the feeling that he just didn’t care that much about me.  I figured he preferred partying with his friends or hanging out in the streets.  I don’t think he took the whole family thing very seriously, except making sure we had the things we needed.  You know what I mean – clothes on our back and food on the table. 

You see, when he wasn’t drunk at night, he was a dentist by day.  So money never seemed to be a problem.

And when he was home, we never did any of the things a lot of “fathers and sons” do.  We never tossed a football around, “sat in the fishing boat for hours waiting for the big one to bite,” swapped stories in the garage, or hung out together.  He never whispered a phrase, helped with a baseball swing, or defined the Golden Rule.  He never taught me how to love or how to be loved.  Nor did I ever get that pat on the back.

He just didn’t seem to care about giving me much in the way of respect and encouragement.  All I seemed to ever get was a lot of criticism and reprimand.

In fact, both he and my mother demanded so much.  They were forever trying to mold me into the image of “the son” they wanted me to be.  Always stressing the importance of a college education, I constantly felt under pressure to achieve.  And if I didn’t achieve, I felt that I wasn’t good enough!

Yet, despite the emotional neglect and how my daddy was, I still loved him … and still do.  I never turned against him or engaged in any sort of adolescent rebellion.  But since all I ever felt I got in return for my love was some stranger for a father, I decided I was unlovable.  And so I linked up in my mind that no one else could love me or really care about me.

I always expected others to fail or disappoint me.  And I developed a tremendous fear of intimacy.

I had it wired in my head that any relationship – personal or professional – would mean tremendous pain and loss.  Early on as an entrepreneur, for example, my mind would argue for this self-defeating belief by saying things like, “I’m not going to go out of my way to meet people or do any networking.  I’ll just get hurt,” or “I’m not going to open up to others, I can’t trust most people,” or “I’m not going to do anything that might result in me being rejected.”

And when I was with small groups of people, just talking, I would skew the conversations towards myself to make sure others listened to me and heard what I had to say.  It was hard for me to just “be” with folks.  I was totally self-absorbed.

So I distanced myself and sabotaged most of my relationships, be they personal (two divorces) or professional.  I put up a wall between myself and any prospect or client who tried to enter my world.

For years I basically felt, “I don’t matter.”

Without even realizing it, I committed emotional suicide. 

I declared myself a loser with people before I ever gave myself a chance to win.

Turning Point

“Again Jesus spoke to them, saying,
‘I am the light of the world.  Whoever
follows me will never walk in darkness
but will have the light of life.’”
John 8: 12

Few adults, and service providers in particular, make the connection between how their parents treated them, how they were raised, and how they now behave.  They fail to see how that relationship has a major impact on their businesses and careers. 

As I stated earlier, this often is reflected in an inability on the part of the service provider to truly bond and establish trust with a prospect.  It limits their ability to close a high percentage of sales.  Worse, it discourages them from using any marketing “tool” that might cause them to feel vulnerable, frustrated, disappointed, foolish, angry, embarrassed or depressed if things don’t go according to plan.

The “tools” that that seem to scare off most service providers are doing cold calls, giving speeches, making presentations, or conducting seminars, just to name a few.

Look, my suggestion is that you come to grips with and handle any “issues” you may have.  It is one of the keys to Mastery Marketing® success.  Denying that you have any issues will only hold you back.  Not to mention how prospects will always see through any pretenses you put up.

When you choose to believe and live according to the truth of God’s love for you, you can let down masks and discard pretense.  You need not labor to invent a new self that other people will admire.

When I take trips down memory lane, reviewing events of my life with my father, I cannot help but recall the wounds of neglect from him.  But do those wounds remain on my body?  That’s the real question.

Peter tells us, “by the wounds you have been healed “ (1 Peter 2: 24).  In the accounting department up in heaven, only one wound is worth to be remembered.  And that is the wound of Jesus as He died on the cross for us.

So, I’m now proud to say:

I have found the peace of God within me because at all times I REMEMBER THE CROSS.

God guides me along my life’s journey because at all times I REMEMBER THE CROSS.

I have made progress from yesterday to today because at all times I REMEMBER THE CROSS.

The turning point in my business – when God’s blessings began to pour in – occurred when He offered me an opportunity to receive a blessing and to be a blessing.  The biggest blessing I received, and continue to receive on a daily basis, is His grace.  My awareness of His presence shines a light that always leads me out of the darkness and relieves me of anxiety.

Best of all, His light led me down a path where I discovered that my happiness and well being was not dependent on my relationship with my dad.  I just had to build up my immune system through healing thoughts, forgiving thoughts, and prayers.

I’m proud and happy to say that I now accept and love my father (who has been a recovering alcoholic since 1985) for who he is and who he isn’t, and who he was and who he wasn’t.

Prayer, I have discovered, is a bridge of faith that unites me with him at all times. 

Praying for his happiness … praying for his joy … brings me great comfort.

Thank you Lord.  For living in the light of God, blesses me with understanding.

Believe me, when you’re out there competing in a dog-eat-dog world, such an understanding sure comes in handy.

---

Gerry Foster believes that if you take seriously and learn how to market your services by faith, together with Mastery Marketing® secrets, that you will receive tremendous blessings, because truly you are a blessing.  If Gerry can be of assistance to you in any way please contact him directly by phone at 949.499.1174 or by email at gerry@masterymarketing.com