Fulfilling Your Purpose
By Gerry Foster

Copyright 2003 by Gerry Foster

Dreams

Everybody hopes to live an extraordinary life, a life rich with possibilities.

Deep down, each of us dreams of reaching goals, having relationships that are fulfilling, and living a life rich with love, joy, and happiness.

We see ourselves making a difference at work, with our families, and our communities.  By dream’s end, we have broken through all fears and limitations, and produced results beyond our wildest imaginations.

Life in those moments is pure wonderment, and we love the magical feeling it provides.

Unfortunately, this is hardly a Kodak moment!  There is something terribly wrong with this picture.  The dreams for many of us have turned into nightmares.  We’ve lost some faith in their beauty and power.

Instead of seeing life as possibility, many of us see darkness:  We see firings, layoffs and downsizing.  We see people struggling to buy homes, pay off debts, or afford childcare.  We see human tragedy like 911, troops on the ground in Afghanistan and our national security now a big question mark.

There is too much crime, too much violence, and too much poverty.  There is never enough money, never enough time, and too many bills.

Our biggest fear is that a showdown with the darkness will eventually take place.

You’d think we’d know how to defend with all our might, given how proud and talented a nation and people we are, but we don’t.  We’ve resigned ourselves to business as usual in most cases.  With each day the typical “same stuff, different date” routine, and what we have come to look upon as “the way it is,” life seems to be more about getting by than doing our best.

Even though nothing worth having is ever achieved while putting forth a half-hearted effort, a 10% effort, and just going through the motions, we often feel otherwise.  In tough times it’s very chic to distance ourselves from anything out of the ordinary and stick to those areas where we feel most comfortable and capable.  That way we don’t have to worry about blowing it since we don’t have to go for it.

A lot of people, it seems, are feeling petrified by a life that at times seems too difficult.  Service providers, in particular, are often paralyzed with fear – like a deer staring at headlights – whenever we think about stepping out and changing strategy if we cannot have any certainty of success.

The mere thought of “making a move” and being disappointed, or struggling, or not being effective, or not having the answers makes us feel nervous.  Helpless.  Angry.  Afraid.  The reaction doesn’t matter.  We can find a lot of different ways to express a fear, or be in denial.

And when we choose to express our fears we most certainly will.  Making fears known is a potent yet often dangerous emotional weapon in the hands of a service provider.  Expressed as rationalization for why something shouldn’t or can’t be done, we tend to show up as victims:  “I won’t,” ”I don’t,” “I was,” “I might,” “I’m going to.”

But expressed with mastery over the fear, we give all that up and show up as champions:  “I am,” “I declare,” “I will,” “I shall,” “I did.”

It all comes down to the same thing:  fulfilling our purpose.  Doing what we were meant to do, not simply passing time.

The Journey

Let me share a tiny, tiny bit about my life and how I found light in the shadows, peace and calm during the stormy seas, and the knowledge that every day will be a brighter day.

I remember, when I was around nine years old, how I felt anything I wanted out of life, I could have.  My mother, who was my guiding light at the time, told me I could achieve anything.  She said to always dream, and carry on a tradition of power and strength that lied at the core of my family.

Mama also told me to be undeterred by the fact that I was an African American.  To not think for a moment that I wasn’t entitled to do anything or be anything I wanted.  That having to be blond or blue-eyed was a myth; and that honest work and perseverance would determine where I ended up.

She also told me that race was not the central issue, and that the challenge for all people was to unite within our own humanity, our common interests, and see each other through our hearts.  And that although people of different colors may live next door yet miles apart from one another, essentially strangers to one another – seeing the same world in drastically different ways – that was no reason for us not to come together as God’s children, pull on the team sweatshirt, and rise above our differences.

Her contention was that we are one – children of the same creator – with a shared destiny and a common stake in the outcome.

Truth be told, at nine years old, I didn’t know the world had a lot of problems.  Nor did I fully grasp that “Negroes” (as we were called back then) had an extra share of problems.  Like most children, I viewed life through rose-colored glasses, always with a sense of innocence and wonder.

Heck, I never thought about what I could do one day to help right what was wrong in the world – to do my small part by using my life to help other people.  “Race” was what I did in P.E. and “color” was what I did with my Crayola crayons during Art.  It never occurred to me there was anything more important than Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, doing the hokie-pokie and playing dodge ball.  Not to mention watching Captain Kangaroo, Mighty Mouse, Lassie and Saturday morning cartoons.

I was like a kid with his nose pressed to the candy store window.  All I wanted to do was just get in there and have fun!

And having fun I did.  I played a lot, dreamed a lot.  The depths of my imagination were boundless.  The world – a marvel to me – was a giant playground, a setting for my delight to dream the biggest dreams I could imagine.

As a kid, I dreamed of being that famous swashbuckler, Zorro … or James Bond, the ultimate male fantasy of girls, guns and gadgets.  “Shaken not stirred” and a license to be cool – that was for me! 

Chad, my next-door neighbor, was going to play in the NFL.  Lonette was going to be an actress (which she did become).  Johnny wanted to walk on the moon.  Jeffrey Grier’s little brother (David Alan) enjoyed making people laugh.  He became a popular stand-up comedian.

And on and on it went with all the kids in the neighborhood.  From rock and roll idols to Indy race car drivers to presidents of the United States.  Ah, what dreams we had.  We didn’t care if some of them seemed a bit crazy.  All that mattered was dreaming, big!

And why not have big dreams?  After all, this was America.  Mama kept drilling into my head, “Believe in the American dream.  Go to school, get your lesson, don’t act a fool, always do your homework and study.  Then get a good job, work hard, and play by the rules.” 

And Roy Rogers, the King of the Cowboys, said, “be neat and clean, always obey your parents, protect the weak and help them.  Happy trails.”

Reality

But there was one major problem.  A problem, I’m sure, you can probably relate to.  As I started growing up, I appreciated mama wanting to make sure I lived the American Dream and had all the opportunities a lot of kids, particularly other African Americans, didn’t have.

And I knew she and my dad did not want me to experience all the racial strife they had to contend with during their youth.  After all, they had to overcome far greater burdens under much more dangerous, volatile circumstances than I was facing.

See, sometimes it’s easy to forget all we have been given by those who came before.  You always owe a debt to those who made the sacrifices to give you your opportunity, and you owe something to the generation that follows.  Honoring our parents, grandparents, ancestors – and others who paved the way - and being empowered by what they achieved and the price they paid is one of the keys to moving forward in business, and in life. 

Nonetheless, I found the American Dream to be more mystical than magical.  At times it seemed to be more about conformity, living within certain limits and boundaries, than individualism.  Sure, there were many paths I could follow to achieve the Dream, but all I saw were those rules mama told me about.

I’m sure you’ve seen some of these same rules:  Do your job.  Listen to direction.  Accept criticism.  Take the bull by the horns.  And so on.  Those were supposedly some of the keys to making it in the wider world.

And like most young people, I did play by the rules and sought success in this great nation of ours.  In fact, I always felt that the success of my African American parents who came from meager beginnings was a testament to the vibrancy of the American Dream.

But as the years passed on and I grew into adulthood, my life began to revolve around just trying to do the right thing.  As I traveled down my path I kept thinking I had to know the RIGHT people, have the RIGHT resume, and possess the RIGHT skills.

Or maybe this relationship would do it, or this accomplishment, or this experience, or this job title.  Then, I figured, life would turn out for me.  I just had to keep doing all the RIGHT things.

Nightmares

Worse, my path had a lot of wicked twists and turns.  Somewhere, somehow, it was as though the images of the real world had slithered into the images of my mind.

The images frightened me terribly.  I kept seeing talented, qualified people being denied opportunities.  It didn’t matter how old they were, or what color or sex they were.  If someone in a position of power felt they weren’t qualified, they were kicked to the curb! 

They were not able to make enough decision makers comfortable with the idea of using their services, buying their products, or giving them a job.

So I went through this dramatic, drawn out period of struggle and effort.  I kept seeing one particular image that literally frightened me to death.  Namely, to take responsibility for my life, and direct the course I wanted it to take.

It was terrifying at the time, but then I kind of got off on the whole experience.

See, for me, taking responsibility meant finding the best way to deal with being an African American.  Wanting to believe that race was not the central issue, I was always made to feel like some sort of sideshow exhibit – an attraction – because of the way I looked.

Always hearing comments like, “You’re not one of us,” or “You’re not really black.”  (“I’m light, bright and almost white,” a friend once told me).

Always thinking I had to prove myself:  that I was as talented, as skilled, as motivated as anybody else.

It seemed like dark skinned blacks didn’t want me, and whites didn’t know what to do with me!

With each passing year, I grew so sick and tired of my role – who I could be and could not become, what I could and could not do – that I could never get hip to the program.  I started having doubts about my place in the world and how to “make it.”

Death

Weary from it all, I kept seeking ways to fit in.  I worked harder and longer, did the best work I could, and made sure I treated people with kindness and respect.  But no matter how much I tried, I always seemed to take one step forward and two steps back. 

When I decided to go into business for myself, for instance, it was a constant struggle for many years.  I kept trying to figure out what to do to succeed, and not who to be.

I’d give talks to groups, but it was always hit or miss as far as picking up new clients.

I’d send out mailers, but the response was always too low.

I’d focus on building some relationships, but the referrals were spotty.

The cash would flow one week, but the next week the well would turn dry.

I tried everything to keep things afloat.  Ate cheap – fast foods, tuna fish sandwiches, casserole dishes, and lots of chicken.  Borrowed off credit cards.  Refinanced my house mortgage until there was very little equity left.

Heck, I ended up robbing Peter so often to pay Paul that even Peter went broke!

Eventually, I came down with the “woe-is-me-I-can-explain-why” disease.  As things grew worse, I developed a knack for having great excuses whenever I couldn’t pay a bill on time.  If I paid late, didn’t pay, or wrote a bad check, I always had an excuse for not having the money, or enough business, or doing as well as I could.  I was totally unconcerned that I had hit near-rock bottom financially.

Resurrection

See, in those days, it never occurred to me to position and market myself as the master in my field.  For one thing, I wouldn’t have known what it meant to be the master.  Like I said, my focus was always on what should I do to sell more of my services.

I didn’t know, until I started reading about master entrepreneurs – Walt Disney, Conrad Hilton, John H. Johnson and Malcolm Forbes just to name a few – that mastery was a reasonable thing to pursue.  I didn’t know that these well-known people of significant accomplishment, and others, were identified with unique purposes for their work, and the persistent mastery they demonstrated as a result of fulfilling their specific purposes or callings in life.

I didn’t know that I had the power to see the future, as I wanted it to be, and that striving to fulfill my purpose would motivate me to make it happen.

My friend, the thing you must do immediately, without delay, without hesitation, is to have a unique purpose and fulfill it.  Pray to your God for wisdom, instruction and direction on what your purpose is if you’re unsure.  Ask the hard questions:  Why am I here?  What am I supposed to do?  How can I put my greatest talents best to use?

And as you cross over and slam the door on the old season and open the door to a new one, know that God never calls you to do anything you cannot do.

Listen:  You’re only on this earth for a flicker.  Just a flicker and then it’s over.  Tragedies such as 911 remind us of how brief and uncertain life can be.

Some service providers are fortunate to be moving towards the fulfillment of their purpose.  If you’re lucky enough to be one of those people, I congratulate you.  But I find many of them not truly receiving pleasure from the work they do.  Which means at the end of their lives they will not experience total satisfaction.

As a practical, crucial step in fulfilling your purpose and living a life worth remembering, stop and take a look in the mirror.  Think positively about your life and reflect on the unique gifts God has blessed you with.

Let it resonant within you that you are a shining example of human magnificence.  Then go out into the world and let your light shine for all to see!!

You don’t have to be better than everyone else to succeed.  Just be honest, do good work and have faith.  That will take you further in life than anything.

Please contact me directly by phone at 949.499.1174 or by email at gerry@masterymarketing.com if you would like me to assist you with discovering your purpose.